


Between Dreams and Reality

by Irishrose



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 17:29:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12113676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irishrose/pseuds/Irishrose
Summary: Challenge fic: What would happen if The First Evil had the Bringers capture Buffy instead of Spike? Warning: this is a very dark fic. Alludes to rape, but nothing graphic. Giles and the Slayers-in-Training have shown up a touch earlier. Spike’s trigger no longer exists. Picks up early to mid-season 7 and goes AU from there.





	1. Prologue - Left Behind

Surveying the damage, there was a lot to take in. The Bringers had certainly made their mark. The house was wrecked, again. There were girls everywhere babbling incoherently and crying. Xander was tending to Andrew’s injuries. Giles, in all likelihood, had yet another concussion and Spike was still unconscious. Dawn knew that he wasn’t completely dead since hey, no dust, but that much blood loss couldn’t be good, even for a vampire. Willow and Giles had managed to close the large wounds to his neck and abdomen with suture they’d stolen from the hospital, but he wasn’t giving them any signs that he was going to wake up anytime soon.

That wasn’t even the worst of it. The really creepy looking Turo-whatever vamp had killed two of the Slayers-in-Training, before it and the Bringers suddenly left in the middle of the battle. Shortly after that was when they found Spike. That was also when they realized they couldn’t find Buffy. The Bringers had evidently taken Buffy and all but mortally wounded Spike. They were all nearly defenseless now. Without Willow’s magic, the Bringers could come in and pick them all off one by one until there were none left. With that thought, Dawn slowly sank down next to the stairs and cried.

**********

Buffy rattled against the chains. The no-eyes creepies had left her alone once she awoke and found herself in her current predicament. She was chained to the floor, and barely able to move, in what was probably one of the many caves around Sunnydale. It really was amazing the whole place didn’t just cave in on itself.

She’d freed herself from this type of situation more than once before, though she seemed to be having difficulty now. She would manage escape again though. She had to. She needed to get back to the others and see what damage the Bringers had done. If the goons fought the others half as hard as they fought Spike she wasn’t sure there would be much to get back to, but she needed to try. 

They hadn’t been prepared for the attack. Though Giles brought what was left of the Council with him, including the information on The First, it wasn’t enough. They had barely even begun training some of the girls before this attack. They had a lot of work to do if they were going to win this.

“I trust you are comfortable?” 

A voice called out through the cave. Though she hadn’t heard it in years, it was all too familiar. The Master. The one she defeated not long after arriving in Sunnydale. This had to be The First. 

“Sure! A little TV and a soda, and I’m good,” Buffy said in a cheerful voice. 

“Good to see you remain your usual witty self,” The First remarked. “We’ll see just how long that lasts, shall we?” 

“You do realize I’m going to get out of here, right?” Buffy questioned. “I’ll be waving goodbye before you know it. Too bad my friends aren’t here to watch me stomp all over you. Well, figuratively speaking.”

“I think at the moment, you will find your friends have their hands more than full, Slayer,” The First sneered. An interesting rendition with The Master’s toothy grin and red mouth.

“Then you won’t mind me getting back to help them,” Buffy said, giving the chains another jerk.

“You’ll find those chains don’t give so easily. I had my minions reinforce them with an old Tolo’thrian spell. It’s not infallible, but it should do the trick for the time being,” The First commented, seeming amused with itself.

“So, are you just lonely or are you holding on to me for a reason?” Buffy replied.

“Oh, I definitely have a reason, Slayer. You took away two of my most depraved warriors in this dimension and swayed them to the other side. I plan to get a little revenge, before turning the tide,” The First said, with a look to Buffy that made her want to shudder.

“You know, if you’re going to be all big and evil, you might want to get your story right,” Buffy retorted. “I wasn’t responsible for Angel’s soul. Little band of gypsies in Romania did that I believe,” Buffy stated, as if contemplating the fact.

“Ah, but my dear slayer, you are the one who gave him purpose. True, he wasn’t my brightest and bravest anymore, but at least he wasn’t around trying to lead some crusade against me. Now you’ve even managed to recruit Spike. I simply can’t let this sort of thing go unanswered you see,” The First explained.

“Great, so you’re planning on boring me to death down here with your sob stories of days gone by?” Buffy asked. 

“Oh no, my dear. You… will be my greatest challenge and my greatest accomplishment. We must, after all, balance the scales of good and evil, yes? I can’t have two strong Slayers plus those two all running amok now can I? No, Slayer, you will be the price paid for those two souls. I will most certainly enjoy breaking you while my followers eliminate the rest of the Slayer line. You will be the last...and then you will be mine,” The First said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“You are dead wrong if you think I will ever be yours. I don’t care who you kill, or how much you beat me, I will *never* be yours,” Buffy spat at The First.

“Sweet child, who said anything about beating?” The First grinned at Buffy. “Yes, I do imagine some of my followers will beat you. But you see child, I’ve been watching you for some time now. I know that being helpless and alone is your greatest fear. And since I can’t take your powers from you indefinitely, I’ll just have to resort to something else to break you,” The First said, shrugging one shoulder.

“I think you’ve seen one to many James Bond movies,” Buffy retorted, despite her growing panic.

The First gave a small laugh before continuing. “No, I had something much different in mind for you,” The First replied as a strange purple demon with horns protruding from its neck entered from an opening in the cave wall.

“Now, I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you two can… entertain…yourselves while I’m gone,” He said. The realization dawned on Buffy’s face as The First vanished in his trademark flash of light.


	2. Chapter 1 - Discoveries

“Willow!” Xander whispered, jumping back as two Bringers ran right past them and out of the cave complex. “Did I ever tell you this invisibility stuff rocks?”

“Tell me later if we’re not dead!” Willow whispered back. “She should be just up ahead according to the spell. Guess the others took the bait. It doesn’t look like there’s anyone else in here. Let’s find Buffy and get out of here before they come back. I know Spike is better, but I don’t think he can hold them off forever.” 

“Oh my God...” Xander stopped short as he entered a large room in the cave.

“What?” Willow asked as she came around Xander and followed his eye line. “Oh Goddess...”

“What.... what’d they do to her?” Xander asked, he look in revulsion at the spectacle before him. His look of revulsion quickly turned to one of nausea, and he dropped to his hands and knees and vomited the meager contents of his stomach. Willow would have joined him, but she had to keep it together if they were going to get out of this cave. She could puke to her heart's content later.

“It doesn’t matter, Xander, we’ve got to get her out of here. Give me your shirt,” Willow said as she tugged on Xander’s sleeve.

“Is she...?” Xander let the unfinished question hang in the air as he handed his outer button-down shirt to Willow.

“No, she’s alive,” Willow said leaning over Buffy, her hand hovering over the shackles binding her to what looked like an alter that had been carved out of the stone floor. “These chains are magically reinforced. It’ll take me a minute to get them off. Watch the entrance and tell me if you see anything coming.” 

Willow tried four different incantations before she found one that opened the manacles. She bundled the shirt around Buffy while attempting to rouse her. It would be better if she could walk out of there on her own, but glancing back over her injuries, she was becoming more and more certain that they were going to have to carry her out. Just as she reached her decision, Buffy weakly roused and briefly glanced around, her eyes finally settling on Willow. A tiny smile flashed across her face.

“I like this dream,” Buffy said, weakly reaching up a hand in an attempt to cup Willow’s cheek.

“Willow, we have company coming!” Xander shouted, running back into the room.

As Buffy fell back into unconsciousness, Willow quickly chanted the words that would include Buffy in the invisibility spell as she sprinkled her with the dust she pulled out of the small bag in her pocket. 

“Xander, you’re going to have to help me. I can’t carry her by myself!” Willow shouted.

Xander quickly scooped Buffy up in his arms and the three friends set off through the caves back toward Buffy’s house.

As they quickly made their way to the familiar home, Willow mentally scanned over Buffy's wounds again. Runes and other symbols appeared to be carved in various places and slowly bleeding through Xander's shirt. Less elegant gashes were everywhere as well. Her face was battered and a rainbow of various colored scars. She was covered in a variety of colored goo's. There was what looked like a barb sticking out of one thigh. But what worried her most was the wounds covered by Xander's shirt, and the ones she couldn't see. She was afraid those wounds might just affect them all.


	3. Chapter 2 - Stupid Vampire Senses!

Chapter 2 – Stupid Vampire Senses!

“Willow!” Spike shouted as he and several baby slayers bounded through the back door. “Willow! Are you here? Did you get her?” Spike called out, racing through the kitchen toward the front of the house.

Willow, Xander, and Giles all came rushing back through the house toward him. 

“Spike!” Willow replied, looking relieved that he and the other girls had made it back. “Yes, we found her, but...” She was cut off by a series of pained screams coming from the living room. His momentary relief was quickly replaced by panic and he tried to push past Willow in his need to get to Buffy. “Spike, wait! Spike! You can’t go in...” Willow frantically tried to pull Spike back toward the kitchen by the arm. "Try and stop me!" He easily shook off her hand and pushed roughly through the assemblage, running into the living room. 

A very battered looking Buffy sat on the couch, her legs pulled up in front of her with her ankles crossed. From what Spike could tell, she was wearing only a blue button-down, and it was covered in blood and filth. Dawn and another one of the mini slayers were holding her hands, trying to coax her up and meeting only determined thrashing and screaming from Buffy. But it was Buffy. He had been so afraid that The First and its Bringers would kill her before they could get to her. It took two days for him to heal enough to move, another three before he was well enough for them to actually implement their plan for rescue. Yet, here she was. Alive. And, screaming at the top of her lungs in...fear? Something was definitely wrong.

“Stop it, you’re going to hurt her,” Spike said, quickly striding over to one of the mini slayers and pulling her away from Buffy. He leaned over, to try and somehow calm her, when suddenly it hit him. As Buffy jerked backward screaming, Spike jolted back himself. Stumbling in shock, he crashed backward straight into the coffee table, shattering it into tiny pieces. 

“God, no,” He whispered out, “Oh God, no.” He scrambled back a few feet and looked around to see all the faces in the room staring down at the floor. He glanced back to Buffy who was now whimpering in a little ball on the couch, sobs escaping her tiny form.

“Spike, I’m sorry. I tried to tell you, but...” Willow blurted out suddenly. Everyone stared at him as he stared at Buffy for long moments while she continued to whimper and rock, muttering under her breath, words too soft for anyone but him to hear. But they were clear as day to him, and every one of them stabbing through him as surely as a stake to his heart. And then something snapped in him. His eyes closed as he felt every one of his muscle tighten as his rage overcame him. With a fierce growl, he jumped to his feet and stormed through the front door. He really needed to kill something. A lot of somethings.

“Spike?” He heard Dawn call after him.

“Dawn, let him go,” Willow’s words followed.

“But, he’s hurting. You saw him!” Dawn.

“He needs time, Dawn. There’s nothing you can do to make this better,” Giles words were the last he heard before his vision slipped into a sea of red.


	4. Chapter 3 - Retribution

“But what if he’s injured? What if he’s going to do something stupid? You know how he was when Buffy died,” Dawn pleaded. “Sunrise is only two hours away. Someone needs to go find him!” Dawn begged. She was more than frustrated. Spike had been gone most of the night, yet everyone had been adamant that no one was to leave the house to find him.

“She’s right,” Willow seemed to reluctantly agree. “We need him. One of us should go find him. Sunrise will be soon and considering the state of mind he was in when he left... I don’t think we can get through this with Spike gone and Buffy like this,” Willow pointed to the still trembling, staring into space, curled up ball on the couch that was her sister.

“Nice that someone has finally come to their senses,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes as she walked toward the door.

“I’ll go,” Xander offered. They all turned to stare at him.

“What? I’m not going to hurt him, if that’s what you’re all worried about. Look, I’ll find him and bring him back. He’s probably just off at Willie’s. Besides, we need Willow here in case the Ray Charles groupies decide to try and take back their former hostage,” Xander explained.

Dawn gave him an appreciative smile. “Thanks, Xander.” 

“No problem, Dawnster. Willow can just put up that barrier thing after I leave, and leave me a door or something to drag his undead butt through when I get back,” Xander smiled.

**********

Xander stopped by Willie’s and the other demon bar in town, but hadn’t yet caught up with Spike. Not that Spike was making it difficult to be found. Xander learned that Spike dragged one demon out of one bar, and two vamps out of the other. All apparently meeting their ultimate ends, courtesy of Spike. Every lead Xander followed led him to a dead demon or another pile of dust. Xander thought of the demon carcasses he’d seen tonight and shuddered. He was almost starting to feel sorry for whatever it was that Spike was hunting at the moment. Then he remembered what Buffy looked like in that cave. Nope. Not sorry. 

As Xander turned the corner to cut through an alleyway towards Spike’s crypt, he ran right into the sight of Spike. He was fighting a very ugly green demon, who would tower over Spike if it had been able to stand upright. Xander watched as Spike suddenly seized the battered demon by the head, ripping it off its body. No twisting or anything like that, just ripped the head away and watched the body collapse to the ground. Spike took a step and with a wild and primal scream, he hurled the head like a football, sending it flying through the air. 

Spike’s scream finally trailed off as he sank to his knees. A single name escaped his throat in a rough, heart-wrenching wail. Xander watched, as for the second time to his knowledge...Spike wept. The sight stirred a twinge of guilt, like he was intruding on a private moment. Xander had hated Spike for much of his existence, but even he couldn’t deny at that moment just how much Buffy meant to the guy. He’d loved her. He’d mourned for her. The annoying vampire had even searched out a soul to make himself better for Buffy. She had believed in him, when none of them would, no matter how much they tried to convince her otherwise. And now… unless he missed his guess, Spike was mourning her again.

Xander slowly walked up next to the vampire. “She’s not dead, you know.” 

Spike jumped to his feet and spun around swiftly to face him.

“Whoa, easy there fella. I come in peace!” Xander said, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I’d rather not go in pieces.” Spike quickly brought a hand up and wiped it across his damp face. Xander smiled at the attempt to maintain his tough guy appearance. “The others were worried. You’re cutting it awfully close to morning with your little stroll through Sunnydale.”

“Leave me alone. Just...sod off,” Spike quietly responded.

“No can do mi amigo,” Xander replied, drawing a confused expression from Spike. “Walk with me Spike. Just hear me out, and then you can decide if you really want to work on your tan,” He said, turning to walk towards Buffy’s house, hoping Spike would follow. 

“See, back at the house, there are a bunch of young girls who still need your help, including Buffy. I don’t see the rest of us doing a very good job of training all those potentials,” Xander said as they walked, noting Spike had indeed caught up with him.

“Thought that was what the watcher was for. Did a bang up job with....Buffy.” Spike’s retort finished with a whisper.

“Well yeah, but he only had Buffy then. It’s a little different when you’ve got a dozen or so teenage girls to train. Then there’s Dawn. She’d be crushed if you didn’t come back. And I don’t think Buffy would be real happy with us if we just let you try your homage to ‘Earth, Wind and Fire’ either.” Xander pointed out. They walked the rest of the way in silence until they reached the back porch of Buffy’s house and Xander shouted out Willow’s name. Suddenly the magical barrier opened and Xander and Spike strode through up onto the porch, where Spike froze.

“I can’t go in there,” Spike said.

“Well, you can’t stay out here. We’re fresh out of SPF 1000,” Xander grinned.

“You don’t know…” Spike shouted at him, before collecting himself. “You don’t know…What I know… What I did… That I failed her… Again....” Spike trailed off. “Can’t go back in there.”

“Again? Spike, it’s not your fault what happened here. As for the rest, well, isn’t that why you have your soul now?” Xander asked.

“It is my fault! If I hadn’t done the things I’ve done…” Spike started pacing back and forth. “If I’d have kept those bloody Bringers from taking her… None of this would have happened,” Spike bit out. “As for the soddin’ soul, if I didn’t have it then I would have drained the stupid git in there the first night they took her even if it liquefied half my brain, and just gone after the bastards and....”

“And you would’ve died and Buffy would still be in that cave,” Willow softly finished. She gave Xander a glance and he nodded back at her as he moved toward the house, leaving Willow and Spike semi-alone on the porch.

Willow walked to the steps and sat down. “Xander’s right, you know.” She said, without looking at Spike. “You didn’t fail her. Of course, if you want to think that, then go right ahead. I forgot how much you liked the self-pity.” He had to stifle a snort at the indignant glare Spike gave Willow. He’d almost forgotten how good his friend was at this sort of thing.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to warn you when you came in earlier. We’ve all cleaned up and dressed her wounds as best we could. Had to give her a big ol' magic tranquilizer, but at least she’s sleeping now. She should be out a few more hours,” Willow offered as she stood up. “I burned some blessed incense too. That should help you with the, ah, scents.” Willow seemed to take a moment to observe the newest ensouled vampire. He was visibly shaking as he leaned against the porch rail, trying to maintain his composure.

“You coming inside?” Willow asked, as she turned and took a step toward him and the door. “I don’t relish the idea of telling Buffy when she wakes up why we have a new ashtray labeled ‘Spike’,” Willow smiled softly.

“Just… don’t think I can do it,” Spike said quietly. 

“This from the vampire who went out and got his own soul,” Willow laughed. 

“Wouldn’t be good for her to have me here… remindin’ her of everything. Should just go,” Spike finished.

“I thought you promised her you’d never leave?” Willow asked. “That you’d help her protect Dawn?” Willow pressed even more. “I believe the words were, ‘‘Til the end of the world’?” Huh, he hadn’t known that. Judging by Spike’s reaction, he didn’t know that Willow knew it either. 

“We’re best friends,” Willow shrugged. “She tells me these things. Besides, I think you owe it to her to be here. I think we all do,” She finished as she gave him her sad little Willow smile. 

The two faced each other for several moments, eyes locked. It went on so long, he began to wonder if there was a conversation going on between the two that he wasn’t privilege to. Finally, Spike nodded, then turned and followed them into the house.


	5. Chapter 4 - Injuries

Chapter 4 - Injuries

Sleep eluded him. He tossed and turned dozens of times, but he couldn’t sleep. As he lay on his cot in the basement, he heard a small creaking noise come from upstairs. Spike assumed it was probably one of the girls coming down for a snack. The rest of the house was still sleeping after the events of the night before. Everyone was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. 

He listened as the person made their way to the kitchen, then silence. He turned back over onto his stomach vowing to get some sleep. That was when it hit him. Blood. The scent of blood over powered his brain. Powerful, enticing, Slayer’s blood. Spike bolted upright in bed and shot up the stairs as fast as he legs would carry him. What he found was enough to rip his heart from his chest. 

Buffy was sitting on the floor, leaning against the counter. A petite paring knife was clasped in one hand with a long slice of splayed skin running half the length of the inside of her other arm. Buffy watched as the blood dripped down onto her leg and eventually ran on to the floor, a look of fascination on her face. 

Spike grabbed the dishtowel off the counter and quickly grabbed Buffy’s injured arm, wrapping the towel around the wound tightly. Then he reached out to take the paring knife away from Buffy. She looked up at Spike with confusion, her brow furrowed, and she refused to release the knife.

“You’re in the wrong dream,” she said. “You don’t save me in this one. Let. Me. GO!!” 

“Buffy, pet, this isn’t a dream.”

“No. Wrong dream. No, no, let go!” Buffy started pulling away from Spike in earnest. 

“Buffy, stop, you’re bleeding. I can’t...Buffy...STOP!” Spike ordered.

Buffy started screaming. Incoherent sounds and screeches, mixed with ‘no’s’ and ‘dream’s’. It was all Spike could do to keep the knife away from the both of them and the towel secure around her arm. 

“Spike! What’re you doing?!” Willow came and knelt next to the struggling couple.

“Found her like this. Her arm’s laid open like a bleedin’ gutted fish. Can you put her out?” Spike inquired, still struggling with a thrashing Buffy.

“What?” Willow asked with confusion.

“Magic, Red. Knock. Her. Out!” Spike said. “I can’t keep pressure on her arm with her like this. She’s gonna sodding bleed to death. Now, unless you want me to clock her hard enough to do it, so, knock…her…out.” Spike emphasized the words again.

Willow glanced a moment at Spike, then turned her gaze to Buffy, noting the blood soaking through the dishtowel. 

“Now would be a good time!” Spike growled out.

“Somnolentia,” Willow said, reaching out to touch Buffy’s forehead.

Buffy fought for another second before succumbing to the spell. Then she slumped against the counter, the knife dropping from her hand to clatter against the floor. Spike let go of her right arm and grabbed Willow’s hand, putting it against the cut on Buffy’s arm. 

“Hold that, tight,” he commanded as he reached behind Buffy and scooped her up in his arms. “Don’t let go,” he said as he stood, Willow automatically standing with him as she held onto Buffy’s arm.

“Where are we going?” Willow asked.

“Her room. We’ll clean her up and put her back to bed,” Spike answered as he made his way to the stairs.

Once back in Buffy’s room, Spike gently laid her on the bed then left the room. He came back a moment later with the massive First Aid Box they’d assembled. 

“Pressure point, just up on her arm, know where it is?” He asked Willow.

“Sure. Kind of surprised you do, though. Didn’t think you needed to know a lot of first aid,” Willow stated.

“Then use it, so I can dress the cut.” Spike pointed to Buffy’s arm. Willow’s other hand came up and squeezed the correct spot on Buffy’s injured arm. “Not sure why you’re surprised. All of ‘em good bite spots. Doesn’t always have to be the neck, you know,” Spike said as he unwrapped the towel and dropped it in the trash can next to the bed.

“Little harder, Red,” Spike said, noting there was still a fair amount of blood leaking from the wound. “Where’s the thread you and the watcher stitched me up with?” He asked, digging through the box with one hand.

“Back right corner,” Willow indicated, nodding toward the box. “You think we should take her to the hospital?”

“Yeah right. And tell ‘em what? She ran into several doors and then decided she wanted to update her knowledge of anatomy?” Spike asked sarcastically. “They take one look at her and they’ll lock her away for good. ‘Specially if she starts spouting off about demons and such. Is that spell strong enough to keep her out for this?” Spike asked as he held up the suture. Willow nodded. “Good. If we can get the bleeding stopped, her healing should kick in and fix this,” he said as he went to work on the wound.

After several minutes of Spike’s handy work, Willow admitted she was impressed with the stitching, saying that it wasn’t perfect, but it was a lot better than she’d expected of a vampire. 

“Not my best work, but it’ll do,” Spike commented as he leaned back to survey the stitches. “How long will she be out?”

“Probably another five or six hours,”

“Good. Wake up one of the girls. I want someone up here watching her at all times. Make sure we don’t have a repeat of her little cutlery experiment,” Spike said.

“You think she’d try it again?” Willow asked him hesitantly.

“I think her head is so messed up at the moment, she’s capable of just about anything,” Spike said softly, staring at Buffy. She was sleeping, but judging by her quiet moans, it was anything but peaceful. “The others will be up in a couple hours and Giles will want a meeting. You should get some rest. I’ll be in the basement.” And with that he left the room before the witch could see just how much the thought of what was running through Buffy’s mind was tearing him apart.


	6. Chapter 5 - Dealing

“Spike, please stop pacing. You’re making me dizzy,” Giles said, waving his glasses at the vampire who was pacing back and forth in the dining room. Spike stopped and turned to face the group, shoving his hands in his pockets, glaring at the Watcher. “Good. Now, please tell me again exactly what happened.”

“Look, we’ve been over this before. I didn’t do anything to her. I just found her,” Spike fumed.

“And I believe you Spike. But please, humor me. I’m old and perhaps I’ve missed something,” Giles said.

Spike flopped down in one of the chairs with an exasperated sigh. “Look, I was laying in my cot like a good little vamp. I smelled blood. I came upstairs to see what was going on and found Buffy sitting on the floor dissecting her arm like some frog in a science class. I cleaned it up, sewed up the cut, and Willow and I put her to bed. End of story.”

“I just don’t understand why Buffy would do that,” Xander piped up from his chair. “I mean, I understand, I just never though Buffy would do something like that.”

“I don’t think she was really trying to kill herself,” Willow offered. “I mean, when I came in, she was screaming at Spike that it was all a dream. I’m not sure she knew she could really die.”

“What did she say to you Spike?” Giles asked.

“Kept screaming that I was in the wrong dream,” Spike said quietly, his gaze fixed on the table.

“And you believe she thought she was dreaming, Willow?” Giles asked.

“I do. Come to think of it, when we found her in the cave she said something about a dream then, too. What was it?” Willow tapped her chin for a moment. “Oh! She said she ‘liked this dream’.” A look of horror suddenly crossed Willow’s face. “Oh God, what if she thinks she’s still in that cave? That we never came for her? That she’s still being....” 

Spike suddenly shot up out of the chair and left the room.

“Poor Spike. Has to be rough on him,” Anya said. Everyone turned to stare at her with astonishment. “What? I’m just saying. To have everything thrown back in his face like this, what with the soul and all. I think you all keep forgetting that he’s still very much in love with her. And now we just told him she’s crazy as a loon. It has to be hard.”

“Maybe we could get her some counseling or something?” Dawn asked

“Spike had a point earlier. I mean, what would she tell them?” Willow said.

“Well, how long is she going to be like this?” Dawn asked

“Hard to say, Dawn. I’m not exactly sure,” Giles responded. “My watcher training barely covers this kind of incident, and certainly not regarding the extent of her trauma. I’m afraid only someone with quite extensive knowledge of this area would be of any use.”

“Well, what about Anya?” Dawn questioned. “You’ve probably talked to lots of women in this kind of situation right?” she asked, looking hopefully at Anya.

“Well, yes, I have. But I pretty much just took care of the vengeance part. I did usually check up on them from time to time, though. You know, make sure my clients were happy,” Anya replied.

“Then you know how long Buffy will be like this, right?” Dawn asked.

“No, I don’t. It really varied a lot. I mean some women were traumatized for years. Especially the ones that conceived from their attack. But it was mostly just random,” Anya replied.

“Well, at least we don’t have to worry about that,” Willow said, looking at Giles. “I mean they were all demons, so Buffy doesn’t have to worry about that, right?”

“Not necessarily, Willow,” Giles said as he set his glasses on the table and scrubbed his hands across his face, suddenly feeling a lot older than he was.

“Oh God, I think I’m gonna be sick,” Xander said as he leaned his head over onto his arms on the table. Anya brought her hand to Xander’s back and started rubbing it gently in small circles. Then seeming to realize what she was doing, she jerked her hand back and shot a disgusted look at Xander.

“There are several species of demon that are capable of having children with humans. We would have to know what kind of demon we are talking about to really know if Buffy could be pregnant, and I don’t think she’s going to jump up and tell you right now,” Anya informed them very matter-of-factly.

“No,” Giles agreed. “But there is someone else who knows.”

“Giles, I don’t think we can ask him to do that,” Willow said with a look of concern. “Xander, maybe you can tell us what all he killed!” 

“Wish I could, Will. But I didn’t recognize half of those things. Not to mention, the way Spike ripped them all up before he killed them. Kind of hard to identify anything except that it was demon,” Xander replied.

“Maybe we can just wait and see?” Dawn asked hopefully. “I mean, she’ll know in a couple of weeks either way right?”

“A demon-human gestation could progress much differently than normal. We would need to know what we are dealing with and be prepared to inform Buffy of everything we can. Not to mention we need to know if any of the demons could have affected Buffy in any other way,” Giles said. “Unfortunately we will need to ask Spike so we can begin our research. Dawn, could you please find him and tell him we need to speak with him?”

Dawn nodded her head and quietly left the table. 

***********************

She found him upstairs in Buffy’s room. He was sitting in a chair not far from the bed with his head resting on the back. He kept his eyes closed. He’d know if she woke, but it was painful to watch her as she fitfully slept.

“Hey,” Dawn said. 

“S’pose they want me back downstairs?” Spike said without opening his eyes.

“Yeah. They said that you were the only one who could help them with their current problem,” She almost sounded apologetic. 

He sighed. At this rate, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t be joining Buffy in her mad little world sooner rather than later. 

“Bloody great to be needed, I guess,” he said as he stood up. “You’ll stay with her?” He questioned, looking to Dawn, who only nodded her head.

“Right then. Give us a shout if she wakes up,” Spike said as he headed out of the room.

Spike walked back into the dining room and saw every head turn to look at him. Every one of them was wearing a look that made him want to run out the door, even if it was daylight. ‘Specially because it was daylight. This was not going to be good. Rather than sit, he remained standing behind one of the chairs.

“So’s anyone going to tell me what’s got you all looking like someone just ate your puppy?” Spike asked.

“Perhaps you should sit down,” Giles offered.

“Thanks, but no. Feel like standing. If you’ve got something to say, then say it. Otherwise, I really should find some of the girls and get this day started,” Spike retorted, sounding annoyed.

“There’s no easy way to ask this, so I will just come out with it,” Giles started. “We need to know precisely what type of demon attacked Buffy.” 

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” Spike quietly replied, looking at his knuckles as they squeezed the chair back. “Killed ‘em all last night. ‘Bout the only bloody thing I’ve done right in the last year,” he finished.

“Actually, Spike, it does matter. We need to be prepared in the event that Buffy has suffered any untoward effects... or, well, in the event that a conception has occurred,” Giles responded.

His mind registered a myriad of emotions. Complete and utter horror faded to indescribable pain, followed quickly by shocked disbelief as he sank down into the chair. 

“Spike, I know this must be difficult. But we do need to know.” 

His gaze fixed on the table, as he wondered if it was possible for his soul to take any more. 

“Spike?” Giles gently prodded.

He absently reached out and grabbed the pen and pad of paper that was sitting on the table. He closed his eyes. After a few moments, he neatly wrote on the paper and silently pushed it back on the table. Then closed his eyes again and he leaned his head on his hands, his elbows propped on the table.

He heard Willow take the paper. After a few seconds she passed it off to the watcher. Seconds stretched to eternity after that.

“Thank you Spike. Is this all?” Giles asked quietly.

“All?” Spike asked incredulously. “ALL? You don’t think that’s enough?” He shouted, pointing at the list.

“That’s not what I meant, Spike. I just need to be sure that we don’t miss anything....” Giles said, 

“What? You want a running total? How’s this for you? I left off the three vampires for obvious reasons and the Megefrian because they hatch. Is that enough for you?” He shouted from his seat.

No one answered. No one spoke. Several minutes passed. 

It was Anya who finally spoke. “So what do we do if she is? You know....”

“We will just have to support her with whatever decision she makes if it comes to that,” Giles replied.

He started laughing. A small little chuckle. He couldn’t help it. They were all so damn oblivious.

“You all are right idiots, you know that?” Spike asked. “Buffy’s not going to make a decision. She can’t.”

“Sure she can,” Xander interrupted. “Maybe not right now, but eventually...”

“There is no eventually!” Spike said, his voice rising again. “That woman up there is broken. She doesn’t know where she is or what she’s doing. She’s lost inside her own mind. She will never be Buffy again.” Spike paused to ensure they registered what he said.

“She’ll never be able to make that kind of decision,” He finally finished.

“Then what do we do?” Xander said looking around at the group. “I mean, I don’t think we’re ready to raise a half-demon spawned by some evil creature.”

As soon as Xander said the words, Spike’s fist shot out and connected with Xander’s jaw, sending him sprawling back and out of the chair. Spike reeled from the pain in his head. 

“You bloody pillock!” He spat out vehemently. 

“Calm down both of you,” Giles ordered. “We don’t even know if any of these could conceive with a human. Now if, and I repeat, if she should be pregnant, then we will deal with the matter appropriately. There may be a entire realm of other effects we need to be dealing with at the moment.” Giles said.

“Deal with this,” Spike started in a calm rage, as he stood. “Buffy is gone and we will never get her back. If there is a child, it is still a part of Buffy. I will not stand by and let you lot kill anything that is a part of her. Doesn’t matter how it came about, no sense punishing a child for the sins of the father.” With that he stormed out of the dining room, leaving the group in stunned silence.

************************

“Ok, does anyone else feel a little weird about getting a morality lecture from a vampire?” Xander asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes, well...” Giles started, but broke off as Buffy walking into the dining room.

“Buffy!” Willow cheerfully greeted her.

Buffy looked at the group, her brow knitted in confusion. After glancing at all of them, she moved into the kitchen. Dawn followed after her.

“Sorry guys! She just woke up and started wondering around. I think she’s looking for something,” Dawn explained as everyone started following.

“Buffy? Can we get you something? Perhaps you’re hungry?” Giles asked, but got no response. 

Buffy moved down the stairs to the basement, causing all the girls who’d retreated to the training room to stop and stare. Evidently not seeing what she was looking for, Buffy went back up the stairs, now followed by an entourage of Scoobies like a small train. 

She seemed to contemplate the back door a moment before moving into the hallway. She paused and took in its length before moving into the living room. She made her way across the room and stopped immediately in front of Spike, who was sitting in a chair facing the front window. 

Buffy looked down at Spike with a smile. Spike could only stare at Buffy in panic and confusion as she crawled into his lap and curled up like a small child. 

The others stopped in their tracks as they watched her snuggle into his lap. She gave a contented sigh.

“Buffy?” Spike rasped out brokenly. “Pet, wouldn’t you be more comfortable on the couch?” Spike asked hesitantly.

“Nope. This is one of my favorite dreams,” Buffy replied. “It reminds me that you’ll come for me,” she said as one petite hand reached up and brushed down his cheek. Then her eyes turned from a bright shimmer to a deeper glossed look, before she tucked her head back where it had been resting. “And it keeps them away. For a little while, you know?” Buffy mumbled as she started to drift back to sleep. “You’ll come. I know you will. You.....all............will,” She finally said as sleep reclaimed her.

*********************

Spike curled his arms around his Slayer. His broken little Slayer, so lost between her dreams and reality. And he let the tears come. To him, it didn’t matter who saw, not now. For even in her current state, she believed in him still.


	7. Chapter 6 - Moving On

The last several days had been spent trying urgently to get Buffy to respond to them. Trying to convince her that she was indeed at her house, and that this was not all an elaborate dream. Unfortunately, none of them had been successful. When she was awake, most of the time she was cowering in her room. Babbling incoherently and fighting fiercely if they came near her. When she slept, she thrashed and screamed. She only had a few moments of seeming lucidity, when she thought she was pleasantly dreaming of them all. 

It was in these moments that they managed to get her to eat. They had also taken advantage of those moments to get Buffy to drink an anti-toxin to two of the demons that had attacked her. A third anti-toxin Willow had made into a skin gel and Buffy’s fever was finally subsiding. They had hoped that as the toxins were counteracted, and she was less feverish, she would become more coherent, but that hadn’t occurred yet. Even in her lucid moments they were unable to get Buffy to dress or bathe. She deemed it unnecessary, telling them she wanted to spend every moment of the dream enjoying being with them. 

Every afternoon they continued to have a Scooby meeting to review the day, the potential’s training sessions, and brainstorm about The First. But mostly, they tried to find some way of reaching Buffy. They had even resorted to calling Angel Investigations in an effort to find someone or some place that could help her.

“So, what did Angel’s gang have to say?” Xander asked, looking hopefully at Willow. 

“According to Wesley, they are kind of facing their own apocalypse,” Willow answered, looking around at the gathered group. “He said that he knew of a couple of people that might be able to help Buffy, but with everything going on down there, anyone who can leave LA, already has.”

“So, we’re back to where we started?” Dawn asked hesitantly.

“It would seem so,” Giles answered, absently playing with his glasses.

“So, now what do we do?” Xander piped up again. “I mean, we can’t just leave her like she is. Can we?”

“What is it going to take to get you people to see?” Spike growled. “Buffy is lost. She isn’t coming back from this!”

“So what do you propose Spike?” Giles bit out. “I suppose you think we should cut our losses and fight The First without her? Just forget her altogether?”

“No,” Spike quietly answered worrying the bridge of his nose, his face the picture of frustration. “I don’t think we should forget her and I know we won’t win this big armageddon thing without her. But she won’t be any use to us in a fight. We can’t even hardly get her out of her room for Christ sake.”

“Unless she’s wondering around looking for Spike so she can curl up with him,” Xander bitterly mumbled.

“Xander!” Anya chastised. 

“Well, it’s true!” Xander retorted.

“Xander, much as it pains me to say, Spike seems to be Buffy’s greatest source of comfort at the moment.” Giles said.

“And, it’s the only time that she seems to sleep quietly,” Dawn pointed out. 

“Well, he did take care of his insane vampire girlfriend for over a hundred years. So I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. Right, Spike?” Anya asked.

Spike just seemed to ignore them as he watched his fingers draw patterns on the table. If he were truthful, he would have to admit that it pained him just as much as the others that Buffy sought him out. Holding her again, knowing that she would probably never come back to them, was probably the hardest thing he had ever done. Even taking care of Drusilla hadn’t been so rough. Granted, she had her moments, he had even had to tranquilize her a few times. But, most of the time she would at least allow others to take care of her, or to help her care for herself. And he hadn’t really known what she was like before Angelus got to her.

Most of the time, Buffy wouldn’t even allow any of them to get anywhere near her. She had torn into them each time they tried. She had told all the junior slayers that she would kill them to save them. She would shout at Xander about dogs and to get his bone somewhere else, making him wonder what that was all about. Dawn apparently still had her key glow about her, as Buffy rambled about it until the little Bit would leave in tears. She was downright cruel to Willow about craving power and the dragging her out of heaven debacle. She told Anya that she was a ruthless killer, and she seemed completely convinced that Giles was The First. Worst of all, to Spike, she wouldn’t even throw barbs at him. She would just give him the most betrayed and hurt look he had ever seen and break down into fits of hysterical crying until eventually Willow would have to magically sedate her again.

“Spike? Hello? Earth to Spike, come in Spike?” Willow called, finally breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm? Oh, right, been there done that. Stole the bloody t-shirt,” Spike bitterly replied. “Look, as fun as it is to be reminded that we can’t do a damn thing for her, I think I’ll go get the mini-slayers and actually do something,” Spike said as he stood up.

“Spike, if you know we’re going to lose, why are you driving the girls so hard?” Willow asked curiously.

“Because it’s what she would have wanted,” Spike stated quietly, before he left the room.


	8. Chapter 7 - From Dreams to Reality

A few more days passed. Buffy was having fewer hysterical periods and more episodes of what she called “her good dreams.” She would even wonder around the house some, mostly watching everyone else. She was tolerating most of the group during these episodes, but both Xander and Giles had to limit how much time they spent with her, and always had to have Willow or Dawn with them. Otherwise she would start to break down again and getting her back to her room without sedating her was impossible.

Spike and Willow were engaging in repeated shouting matches. Willow argued that they were using too much magic on Buffy, and that sedating her all the time wasn’t the answer. She also argued that since the only spell strong enough had to involve brief contact, she was getting tired of her new bruises and that the trauma of them swarming Buffy to prevent her harming from Willow was only adding to the problem.

Spike argued that it was the best way to keep her from harming herself or others even more. That it allowed them to clean and redress her wounds, and that nothing they did was going to make the problem better. The only thing they could do was keep her comfortable and take care of her, which she didn’t allow when she was awake. He also argued that seeing the Slayer in such a state was traumatizing all the potentials, who were already afraid she was going to slit all their throats.

Their last argument broke down into a shouting free-for-all. Everyone was screaming at everyone else and old feelings made themselves known. Everyone blamed everyone for everything. Giles leaving had been brought up, as had Spike’s previous attempted rape, Xander’s time when he had been possessed with a hyena spirit, Willow’s attempt to kill them all, Anya’s recent vengeance dealings, and Buffy’s sacrifice to save Dawn. It continued in what seemed to be a never ending circle that failed to solve anything and left everyone feeling bitter and alone as they stormed off in separate directions.

Everyone spent the next several hours alone, throwing themselves into something that “needed” to be done at just that moment. Xander busied himself with repairs and fortifications to the house. Giles was instructing a set of potentials in the dining room. Willow was doing research in her room. Anya was preparing food in the kitchen. Spike had taken a group of the best potentials for a patrol, while Dawn retreated to her room to write in her journal. She was beginning to wonder if this was all part of The First’s plan. Turn them all against each other until it was strong enough to take over the world.

**********

Buffy had been awake since the huge shouting match down stairs. Things were all so confusing to her. All the shouting seemed so real. But she hadn’t been rescued had she? No, it was just more dreams, the ones she couldn’t help. Sometimes she dreamed of dying, of ending all the pain, of resting again, or even of heaven. It was the demons and the things they did, and the fact the she couldn’t stop them. That was why her mind called up these dreams. But many of the dreams were so wonderful. Everyone caring and kind to her and each other. Everyone working together. That’s how she knew they were dreams. That never happened in real life. 

Dawn told her once how Xander volunteered to go find Spike. She simply laughed at the story, knowing how impossible that was. Giles seemed the same as in real life, except he never touched anything, like The First. He had to be The First. 

Everyone kept telling her she was safe. What a laugh! She would never be safe. They all seemed to want to help her very badly. They wouldn’t want to once they found out what was happening to her. Who would? 

Then there was Spike. The dreams were kind of muddled when it came to him. Then again, he was kind of muddled in real life, wasn’t he? Sometimes, he avoided her. Sometimes he just stared at her with such sadness. But there were dreams when she would let him just hold her. He would soothe her and tell her how strong she was and how sorry he was. But mostly he just held her, and she would feel a few tears drop onto her face. That was definitely not real Spike. Sure, she’d seen a tear now and again, but he’d cover pretty quickly. He’d rather dust than ruin his whole bad boy persona.

But they would come for her soon. It felt like it had been so long. How long had it been? She had no way to know, but it seemed like days. Weeks maybe. Surely it hadn’t been. Time was so strange when you were waiting for something. They would come. They always did. She just had to hold on until then, and enjoy the good dreams that took her away from there, from the things she couldn’t stop. 

It seemed so quite now. Hardly any sounds at all. This was a strange dream, not real at all. In life, the house would be bustling with activity. Teenage girls couldn’t be quiet if their lives depended on it. Even the girl who was in her room was sleeping curled up in the chair. None of the others had dared to sleep. She laughed as she remembered that Spike had threatened them in one dream that if they fell asleep he’d eat them. She needed to find someone. “No sense wasting a good dream,” she said as she rose from her bed and made her way down the hall.

She passed Dawn’s room and saw her sitting on her bed writing in her journal. She smiled. Dawn used to write in her journal a lot. She shivered as she passed the upstairs bathroom. No sense dragging that into this. She had enough bad things to face. She poked her head into Willow’s room, to find her on her stomach with her nose buried in a very old looking book, many more books piled around her. Willow always loved research. She started to make her way to the stairs when the sleeping girl from her room came running out, looking very much panicked, until she saw her standing there.

“Buffy! Oh thank God. Do you want to eat something?” The girl questioned. What was her name? She couldn’t remember. Buffy just shook her head. She never really was hungry in these dreams. 

“Um, you want to go downstairs? It’s kinda tense, and I’m pretty sure Spike went on patrol,” The girl said hesitantly. Buffy contemplated going downstairs. She didn’t really want to do that either. But for some reason she was…

“Thirsty,” Buffy commented.

“I could get you a glass of water. Tell you what, you go back to your room where it’s nice and safe and there’s no sharp objects, and I’ll bring it to you.” The girl said as she tried to get Buffy to move back to her room.

Buffy looked at the sweet child. She seemed so afraid. They all were afraid. She should save them. Keep them all from The First. From living what had been her life and her calling.

“You shouldn’t be afraid,” Buffy said as she smoothed a lock of hair on the girl’s head and gave her a sad smile. “I’m going to save you all.”

The girl breathed out a small sigh and smiled. 

Buffy knew there was nothing in her room she could use. In all her dreams it was stripped of anything useful besides her bed, chair, and clothes. She couldn’t go downstairs, someone would stop her. They always did lately. Willow’s room would have weapons, but it also had Willow. Dawn’s room had nothing that would be quick. That left one room upstairs. The bathroom. 

Buffy turned around and swiftly made her way to the bathroom door. She didn’t even pause as she opened it. She quickly scanned the room. The vanity held lots of things she could use. She would save this girl from what was coming, and then the others. 

“Oh my gosh! Buffy, you can’t be in here! Spike said we always have to take you downstairs!” The panicking girl explained as she followed into the bathroom.

“It’s OK,” Buffy calmly told her. “Now, come here so I can save you.” Buffy ordered as she reached out and took a glass and smashed it against the counter. She made a grab for the girl’s arm, as she picked up a larger piece of the glass. “Shhhh…” She consoled the struggling, now sobbing, girl. “You’ll like heaven. It’s warm, and soft, and...”

“Buffy!” Willow and Dawn shouted at her from the doorway.

“No, no, no,” The girl sobbed, trying to wrench her arm out of her grasp. “Stop! Please, stop. You’re hurting me! Please!”

The words echoed in her mind. They had been uttered in this room before. By her. She had been crying too, and begging. Unintentionally, Buffy’s grip on the girl loosened and the girl pulled herself free and fled the room.

It was suddenly quiet again. But this wasn’t right. After last time, everything from the vanity had been smashed. There had been glass everywhere. 

As Dawn and Willow started cautiously forward, Buffy swept everything off the vanity onto the floor, sending Dawn and Willow backward to escape her wrath just as the rest of the house appeared at the bathroom door. With enraged screams, she smashed everything in the tiny room that she could find to smash. Finally finding nothing more she could destroy, she sank down against the back wall. Still clutching the piece of glass she had threatened the girl with. Her feet and arms were covered in small scrapes, cuts, and blood from her rage and the debris. Surveying the damage, she assessed that now everything was proper. This was the way she remembered this room.

**********

Dawn wasn’t sure what to do now. Heck, everyone was stunned and at a loss as to how to proceed. Anya, was downstairs trying to console the terrified potentials. Xander was also downstairs trying to persuade them not to flee in fear of their lives. They had tried several times to get into the bathroom to Buffy, but anytime they crossed into the room she became hysterical and did even more damage to her already bleeding limbs and feet. Willow couldn’t get anywhere close enough to put her to sleep. Their one attempt to rush her and magically sedate her had been met with a feral fighter and they had retreated, everyone sporting new injuries. Some would require stitching, and Giles thought his hand was possibly broken. She refused to answer to any of their pleas to come out. She was simply catatonic until one of them tried to enter the room, and then she gave them all a feral glare that promised loss of limb or life. 

Giles had suggested that they wait her out. Eventually she would fall asleep and then they could move her. He was also beginning to think that Spike’s argument for keeping her sedated might be correct. This brought out Willow’s anger again, and now she was taking a firm stance that they would have to find some other way to deal with her, because she wasn’t sedating her any more.

Suddenly a large ruckus sounded from downstairs as apparently Spike returned with his group of potentials from their patrol. There was a great deal of shouting as the newly arrived group was appraised of the situation upstairs and what had transpired. The sound of boots loudly and rapidly thumping up the stairs announced Spike’s arrival on the second story a second before he turned the corner. He paused only a moment before striding up to the group gathered outside the bathroom door, anger apparent on his face.

**********************

“What the bloody hell happened?!” Spike demanded. He didn’t really care that the entire house had followed him up the stairs and was quietly observing everything.

“We’re not sure exactly,” Giles began. “But, according to Cindy who was on watch, Buffy awoke and overcame her. Buffy then proceeded to bring her to the restroom where she then threatened her with a broken glass. This attracted Willow and Dawn, at which point Buffy released the girl and began smashing everything in sight. None of us have been able to get in there since then for fear of furthering Buffy’s injuries.”

He contemplated the summary for a moment. 

“Doesn’t make sense,” he stated, looking at the floor as if he could find the answers there. He turned around and faced the group of girls behind him.

“Cindy...want to tell me what really happened?” he asked, not bothering to hide his suspicion.

The girl looked down at her feet and quietly answered, “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What I’m talking about is this,” he started. “Buffy’s hasn’t intentionally hurt anyone besides herself so far. I know she’s terrified the lot of you, but she hasn’t let any of you girls touch her when she’s awake, so I’m thinking the whole overpowering and dragging to the loo isn’t entirely true, now is it? If it were, the rest of you would have heard something long before she started breaking stuff.”

All eyes trained on the unfortunate potential as they digested what Spike said. Under the intense scrutiny, the girl finally spoke.

“I...I, feel asleep,” she mumbled.

He let a growl escape as the group erupted in disbelief. 

“I’m sorry!” The girl finally sobbed out. “But she’s crazy! I followed her to the bathroom and that’s when she grabbed me. She was trying to kill me! You saw it!” She said, pointing to Willow and Dawn.

“She’s right Spike,” Dawn admitted. “Buffy was holding her and the broken glass when we found them.”

“And then what happened?” He questioned.

“It was just like Giles said. She let go of Cindy and then smashed everything. She won’t let anyone near her,” Dawn confirmed.

“So, Willow knocks her out. End of story,” he ordered.

“No! It’s not ‘end of story’, Spike!” Willow argued. “We already tried rushing her. Or didn’t you notice that everyone here is bleeding? She’s like a cornered animal. We take one step near her and she gets all screams and thrashing, and waves the glass around, hurting herself even more. I can’t even tell how badly she’s hurt. We will wait until she falls asleep and then find a way to get her out.” 

“And if she decides to cut her arm off before then?” He raged. “I would think that this would make you lot see that she needs to be kept sedated!”

“I’m not sedating her anymore!” Willow shouted.

Before he could respond, a low giggle reached his ears. He knew that laugh. Hadn’t heard it a lot, but he had it memorized. When Willow started to protest again, he held up a hand to silence her. He slowly pushed his way through the crowded hall to stand at the door. Buffy was sitting against the wall, little giggles escaping from her. She finally looked up from her hand, her eyes sparkling.

“I think this is the first dream that was accurate,” Buffy laughed. “This is the way I remember you all.”

“Slayer?” 

She seemed to regard him, but she kept giggling. 

“What say you come on out here and we’ll fix up your cuts? Spilling quite a bit of blood in there.”

Buffy’s giggles silenced. “It’s all so real. I...I don’t want to leave it. This is the way it was,” Buffy said as she looked around the room.

Spike, too, glanced around the room at all the disarray, as images and pleas came flooding back to him, threatening to cut him off at the knees again.

“Yeah, it is,” he quietly agreed. 

There was a long pause as everyone seemed to ponder the next move. It was Giles who spoke next.

“Buffy, why don’t you let Spike come in and tend your wounds? He won’t hurt you, and remember, you said he keeps the demons away?” Giles asked. 

As Buffy seemed to be actually contemplating the watcher’s suggestion, he stared at Giles. 

“Are you out of you mind?” Spike asked. “If I go in there, she’s going to lose what little of her mind is left.”

“Listen to me very carefully, Spike,” Giles ordered. “She trusts you more than any of us at the moment. You are probably our only chance at getting in there to help her. Now, I don’t care if you turned your bloody sister in that room, if Buffy agrees to let you in, then you will damn well will go in there!” Giles finished. There was a very definite gleam in Giles eyes that broached no argument. 

One of these days he was going to have to speak with the old chap about his younger days, because he had a sneaking suspicion this watcher wasn’t always the stuffed shirt he was now.

“OK,” a voice answered, coming from the bathroom and redirecting everyone’s attention back to the small woman sitting against the wall.

“Buffy, are you sure?” Giles inquired. “I don’t want to mistake your acceptance.”

Buffy simply nodded.

His mouth moved several times as if to say something, then closed again. He fixed a questioning glance to Buffy, but she didn’t return his gaze. 

Of all the demons Spike had faced, he was certain this was the hardest. Buffy’s entire ordeal had forced him to face his actions like nothing else had. He could barely live with himself before all of this, much less now. But, he couldn’t escape this. He wasn’t sure he should even try. The images before him brought it all freshly to the forefront of his mind. A broken and alone Buffy, surrounded by the destruction of the room, covered in cuts, scrapes, and still healing bruises. Then what Giles said came back to him. Buffy trusted him now to take care of her. Had told him before all this that she had forgiven him. Believed in him even. Said that he could be a good man. 

He looked back to Buffy again and found that she was now looking at him. Her green eyes seemed to be asking him if he would come take care of her. Spike searched himself for that answer, and heard a resounding “yes” in his head. He fixed a little smile on his face and stepped across the threshold and into the room. 

He was rewarded with a small smile from Buffy. Taking it a step at a time, he slowly reached to the shelf next to the towels and took down the first aid box, then equally as slowly he made his way over to Buffy. He sat down next to her, leaning against the wall as well. Her eyes followed his every move. 

“So, come here often, pet?” Spike let out a breath and forced a grin as he opened the box and began taking out the necessary items to clean her wounds. Buffy didn’t answer, but turned to look around the room again. She didn’t seem to notice as Spike set about applying antiseptic and bandages. Her feet seemed to have taken the brunt of the damage and it took a long time for Spike to get them properly cleaned, removing all the glass and wrapping them firmly.

“Well, that should do it. What say we get you out of here?” Spike questioned, but made no moves. 

“Why didn’t you leave?” Buffy asked.

“Beg pardon?” 

“Why didn’t you leave? Like the others? You never left me. Not like the others. Why?” She elaborated on her question.

“Made a promise to a lady,” Spike answered with his usual smirk.

“Will you always take care of me?” Buffy questioned.

“Till the end of my unlife,” Spike replied.

Buffy went back to looking around the room. She glanced at her bandages. Then back at the glass on the floor.

“Quite a mess. Should have one of the girls clean up in here every now and then.” Spike smiled. “We’ll need a new shower curtain.”

That seemed to get her attention for some reason, as she began staring intently at said shower curtain.

“Can’t say I’ll miss the little penguin one that Red bought after they took you.” Spike answered off-handedly. “Amanda was right smart using your old one to strangle one of those Bringer fellows.”

When he didn’t get any comment he looked back to Buffy, who was still staring intently at the shower curtain that lay crumpled on the floor. 

“Buffy? Luv? What is it?” Spike called.

Suddenly Buffy’s head whipped around and she stared at Spike, then back to the shower curtain. She repeated the action a few more times settling finally on the shower curtain. “You came,” Buffy finally uttered as her face crumpled and tears began flowing down her face. 

“Buffy?” Spike asked confusedly. 

“It’s not a dream is it?” She asked as she turned, looking to Spike.

“No, luv. It’s not a dream.” Spike answered softly.

Buffy suddenly launched herself into Spike’s embrace as she began crying in earnest. Her small cries of “you came,” and “you saved me,” sending all the onlookers into their own silent tears as everyone realized that Buffy was back in reality. Spike simply rocked her as she cried out her relief of the realization that she was no longer trapped in that unspeakable horror. He couldn’t even begin to voice his own joy that she was with them. He had never dared to hope she would recover any. He should have never doubted his Slayer. She was a remarkable woman.

Spike contemplated what lie ahead. It would be a long road for her. There would be lots of confusion. Somewhere along the way he would have to explain that Willow and Xander had been the one’s to actually get her out of the cave. They still had to battle The First. She still had a lot of healing to do, both mind and body. Their difficulties were far from over. But if she could find her way when she had been so lost, he knew she would emerge victorious. She always had. She always would.


	9. Epilogue - Endings and Beginnings

“So, then the golden goddess declared her love to the manly hero, before he sent her off to make good on her escape. Then the hero brought the house down, literally, and the school and the whole bloody town, closing the hellmouth forever, defeating the big ugly First despite his evil plans, and going out in an amazing, and bloody painful, blaze of glory like he always knew he would. So, the two souled vampires stopped their respective apocalypses, plural, saving the entire world and then they got to become human again. Which was a big surprise to yours truly, let me tell you! One minute I’m burning up, the next I’m standing starkers in the bottom of a crater, with a heartbeat and coughing my lungs out!” 

Buffy smiled as she listened to Spike telling his story to his somewhat captive audience. The infant was staring at him and cooing around a tiny little fist in its mouth. She decided she should probably intervene before he decided to begin one of his more colorful tales, and pushed through the door out onto the porch.

“You know, Angel is going to have your head if he discovers you’ve kidnapped his daughter.” Buffy scolded.

Spike startled as being caught, but quickly recovered.

“Didn’t kidnap. Tiny bit was fussin’ up a storm and no one else in the house seemed to hear her, so I rescued her and decided to entertain her a bit,” Spike countered.

“The Big Bad rescued a baby?” Buffy repeated.

“I’ll have you know I’m great with the kiddies,” Spike replied indignantly.

“Yeah. You are,” Buffy admitted with a smile. After a moment of watching Spike play with the child, she quietly asked, “Do you think about children? Now that you can, I mean.”

Spike didn’t even pause before he answered. “Sometimes. Never thought I’d have a chance to ‘till I became human again. But, then there’s the whole thing with all the Slayers we have to train. Plus Angel and wolf girl have this one now, so I’ll probably just spoil her a bit. Make the grand poof as angry as possible.” 

Buffy laughed before looking a Spike earnestly. “You’ll make a great father, Spike.” 

Spike thought about her complement for a moment, but the more he thought about the whole conversation, the more confused he got. He turned and looked up at Buffy, searching her face for meaning. What was she going on about?

“Something you want to tell me, pet?” Spike asked.

Buffy smiled very deviously before answering, “Maybe. Maybe not. Why don’t you come back upstairs and find out.” She finished as she stood up and walked back in the house.

Spike looked down at the infant he still held. “You know, I always said I was gonna be the death of that Slayer, but I’m fairly certain it’ll be the other way around,” He confided as he stood up and walked back into the house to go find the bitty bit's parents. He had a feeling the next few hours were going to be interesting.

**********

~fin~

a/n-OK. That it folks. No more. This story is done. Hope you enjoyed! A nice little Spuffy ending. A few lingering questions. My muse is still evil after all!


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